The Real Slim Sadie: Jiu Jitsu, Motherhood, and Rebuilding

Anxiety doesn’t always look like worry. Sometimes it looks like waking up in the middle of the night with your heart racing, convinced something is wrong, then trying to hold it together for your kids and your job the next morning. That’s where Sadie Durio story hits hardest and why we wanted her on Caffeinated Jiu Jitsu.

Sadie (aka “Slim Sadie” on Instagram) is a first grade teacher, a single mom of two boys, and a highly active blue belt competitor who keeps stepping onto the mats for Gi and No-Gi tournaments, including major IBJJF events. We talk about how she found Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu through her son, why her first class became a core memory, and how training helped shift her mental health when she was dealing with serious anxiety, depression, and the long shadow of an eating disorder. We also get into the real moments where grappling matters off the mat, including what it feels like to be responsible for a classroom and how control, calm, and awareness translate to everyday safety.

Then we go deep on jiu-jitsu competition: the adrenaline, the tears, the “blackout” feeling of early matches, and the mindset change that turns losing into something useful instead of something shameful. Sadie shares why she refuses to compare herself to athletes with totally different lives, what she wants her journey to represent, and why kindness in the gym is not optional. If you’re searching for motivation, a healthier relationship with your body, or proof that you can do hard things, this conversation delivers.

If this resonates, subscribe, share it with a training partner, and leave a review so more people can find stories like Sadie’s. What part of your life are you trying to get stronger for right now?

Connect with Sadie on Instagram @slim_sadie

If you are int he Temecula, CA area and looking for a place to train check out Dedicated Jiu Jitsu https://dedicatedjiujitsu.com/

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Check out Rubber Bones at the website link in the show notes, and remember to use the discount code Caffeinated10 when ordering. 

Caffeinated Jiu Jitsu is a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu podcast focused on BJJ training, competition preparation, mindset development, belt progression, and the lifestyle of grappling.

If you’re looking to improve your Jiu Jitsu, stay motivated during plateaus, recover from injuries, or sharpen your mental game on and off the mats, this podcast is for you.

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• BJJ competition insights
• Mental toughness and discipline
• Gym culture and academy growth
• Injury recovery and longevity in grappling

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Transcript

Welcome And Why This Story Matters

Joe Motes (Host) 0:53

Welcome back, everyone, to another episode of Caffeinated Jiu Jitsu. Today's episode I am super excited about because it gets to what I feel is the heart of what caffeinated jujitsu is really about. And um, you know, we all love techniques, we love training, we love talking about competition, which we are today, but sometimes um jujitsu becomes something much bigger than just you know a martial art or our path to becoming fit or what have you. My guest today is a lady by the name of Sadie Duryo. Duro? See, I told you I was gonna mess it up. Duryo. Duryo. Known on Instagram, and I love this Instagram handle, as at slim underscore Sadie. She is a highly competitive bluebelt who is consistently stepping on the competitive mats at both large and small events, all the federations, she trains and she competes. But what makes her story so powerful is not just that she competes, it's what she has had to walk through while continuing to show up for her training. Sadie is a first grade teacher, a new first grade teacher that just got through what was it, your probationary stage, right? Is that what it is?

SPEAKER_04 2:28

So kind of student teaching. So, yes, it's an unpaid intern that California requires for six months.

Joe Motes (Host) 2:36

So we're gonna call it official first grade teacher now. Yes. She is a mother of two boys, two very active boys who also train, and she has had to overcome struggles like a lot of us with uh things like anxiety, depression, and also an eating disorder. And I know there's several listeners that I know that have dealt with that in the past as well. So all of this while balancing motherhood, being a teacher, and consistently showing up for training and competing. So today Sadie and I are going to talk about what jujitsu gives us when we're struggling and what compet competition teaches us about ourselves. So Sadie, or should I say Slim Sadie? Welcome to Caffeinated Jiu-Jitsu.

SPEAKER_04 3:26

Thank you. Thank you for having me.

Meet Sadie And Her Life

Joe Motes (Host) 3:28

So let's start uh where we start a lot of times with guests is your uh what I like to call origin story. You know, uh for the listeners who don't know you, who are you off the mats and what got you into jujitsu? What got you on the mats?

SPEAKER_04 3:45

Yeah, well, off the mats, I am a mother, mother of two. I have two boys, seven and ten. And uh they are the best ever. Um, I'll also, like you said, I am a teacher. I just finished schooling, and I now have time on my hands to go back to training a lot more than I was before. And I don't know. Other other than that, I feel like that that that just takes up all my time being a mom in jiu-jitsu. I uh I am obsessed with both of those things. So there's not much time left in the day after that.

Joe Motes (Host) 4:28

Are you are you so you're out in California, right?

SPEAKER_04 4:30

I am in California, yeah, Temecula, California.

Joe Motes (Host) 4:33

Are you are you from there or were is that where you were born and raised?

SPEAKER_04 4:37

No, I was born in Woodstock, Illinois, and then I moved here in 2000. Yeah.

Joe Motes (Host) 4:43

How did that happen?

SPEAKER_04 4:44

Yeah, my dad's job, my dad works in pharmaceuticals and he brought us out here. And uh, you know, I like the weather, but I definitely I definitely feel like uh I never really fit in with anybody out here, any of the girls or anything like that. I definitely felt a lot different than all of them, but just more tomboy-ish, I guess. Yeah, and I think that's where jujitsu really helped me feel more like myself. I feel like um out here in California, people are very into fashion and styles and name brands and things like that. And now I can walk around with like my most expensive IB chant JF t-shirts. That's the most expensive thing I own because those t-shirts are so expensive.

Joe Motes (Host) 5:26

Yeah, you pay what, like a hundred dollars to register or more, and yeah, that's what you get, right?

SPEAKER_04 5:31

Don't get me started on my blue belt worlds gi ones, because I have paid for those t-shirts. Oh I think this is gonna be my third time. I will, I will win around this time. But yeah, I was just talking to somebody about that. I have not won around at a Ghee Worlds. It's hard though. That that sea of blue, that's hard.

Joe Motes (Host) 5:55

The the shirts for me are kind of like um like a warm, cozy cup of coffee on a cold night. Like it's like you just got beat up and lost literally everything, but at least you got something.

SPEAKER_03 6:09

You get to walk away with something.

Joe Motes (Host) 6:11

You get you get you get yeah, you're you don't show completely empty hand empty-handed for the hour and a half drive, right?

SPEAKER_04 6:18

Yeah, exactly. I mean, for me, it's it's it's longer than hour and a half. Like I flew to Florida to pull somebody on top of me and losing 30 seconds at pans. That was my first gi pans. I I will say this and I know it's controversial, but I am a no-gi girly through and through. I just really I have my most success in nogi. I've made podium several times at the uh world and pans with no-gi. And uh I don't know what it is about the gi, but yeah, I at least at the big ones, you not only get your t-shirt, but you get your mug. So I have some mugs I got to take home too in the backpack. Oh, that's cool.

SPEAKER_01 6:58

I didn't get it.

SPEAKER_04 6:59

Yeah, you get a backpack with a mug, and sometimes if you're lucky, a keychain.

unknown 7:06

Whoa.

Joe Motes (Host) 7:07

I uh so uh one of my goals, life goals, is to go out to jujitsu con and just not to compete. I um I'm gonna compete again. I don't know when. Uh my goal, I told everybody I'm gonna compete five times this year. I'm ready to go, but then just you know, just do it kind of happen. Well, you know, it's we do the same thing with the job. I think I'm gonna try to catch the fall or the winter, no, the winter open here in Atlanta. Um a goal of mine is to just go out to jujitsu con and you know, what that's Master Worlds, right? I think that's Master Worlds when that goes down. And just go out and I would love to like have a table or booth set up for the podcast and then interview people or go around. You see these these guys on the IG that go around and interview people.

SPEAKER_04 7:54

Yeah, they're like gee or no ghee. Those guys I see on Instagram.

Joe Motes (Host) 7:59

I would ask, right? Maybe caffeinated or decaffeinated, I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 8:03

But um I'd be decaffeinated, I have too much energy already.

Joe Motes (Host) 8:09

Yeah, see, I just can't bring myself to drink anything um decaf. I um maybe if it was a last resort, but I just can't. I I need that caffeine. I mean, it's 7 46 here on the east coast, and I'm drinking a full fully loaded creamer Starbucks creamer coffee.

SPEAKER_04 8:29

So yeah, no, mine's always decafed, always I because of the anxiety. So we don't need any more of that.

Joe Motes (Host) 8:38

I know, I'm probably feeding mine. Um, but no, let's uh let's talk a little bit about what got you into uh jujitsu. Um, you know, like like did you did your kids do it? Did did you did somebody invite you? What's what's that story look like?

SPEAKER_04 8:57

Yeah,

Finding Jiu-Jitsu Through Her Son

SPEAKER_04 8:58

so my boy my son, my oldest, he was five at the time. Um, I worked in a bar and I known my uh professor. He was a uh a client of mine. He'd stop in for drinks here and there for a few years when I worked there, and he just had mentioned, hey, I'm opening a jiu-jitsu studio on June 1st if you or your kid wants to join. And since that's summer here in California, I said, absolutely, I'll just sign my son up. I gave him $100 and he's like, Cool, we'll come with the key. And uh I thought it was gonna be a summertime thing. My son ended up really liking it, he built friendships, and um, I think I watched him do it. Did I watch him for about a year and a half? And I had just watching him from day one, I just thought it was so cool. But it was a new gym, and there it was just all males in the uh adult class, and so I kind of, you know, was just a little intimidated. And then I think I did see a few girls do like a trial here or there, but um, other than that, it just wasn't enough to get me on there. And then during this time, I was I I was in a very deep, deep experiencing depression and anxiety, and um I was kind of just trying to sweep it under the rug as if it wasn't really happening, especially the anxiety. And then um probably a year and a half into my son doing it, October, what is it, 26? Probably October of 23. Three, four, five, six, probably October of twenty things when I started, and I hopped on the mat. And my son had kept begging me, actually. So that's truly what it was. My son kept begging me to try it, and I kept putting it off, and finally I was like, you know what? This little guy, he's going out there and he's competing, and he's losing, and he's still competing and he's having fun. Um, why like why can't I just try it out for him? And so that's really what pushed me was my son, and thank goodness.

Joe Motes (Host) 11:09

Yeah, that's that's sort of my story too. My son was doing it, and um but he well, I guess it's not sort of he was sort of the opposite. He stopped to go do soccer and I I took over some of his contract classes and loved it. But it's you know, it's crazy. Uh a lot of the people I talk to, uh just in passing, or if I go train in another gym and meet new people in jujitsu com in the jujitsu community, um yeah, they get into it because of their kids. Yeah, right. Yeah. Like you, you know, you talked about um what uh do you remember your first class? I know I remember. Oh yeah. You don't? Do you do you remember? Oh my goodness. Like it's it's kind of like one of those memories that's it's not a trauma memory, but it's like one of those things that just mine kind of is there.

SPEAKER_04 12:02

Mine, I shouldn't say it is a trauma memory, but it's definitely one of those, it definitely made it into the core memory portion of my brain. Um, just for several reasons. One, because I was so scared. Um, I was um like probably about a hundred and six pounds. I not that I'm 110, 112 walking around now, but like for me, it's that's gaining weight and that's good. And so I was so small and um and I remember I don't really really remember the drilling portion. I think I probably drilled with um the only girl that was in there at the time. And then, but when it came to the live rounds, that's what I remember. I don't even think I made it through three full live rounds for like a month. That is some that cardio is absolutely insane. That's a different, I thought, oh, I go outside and I just run, or I go to the gym and I just go on the treadmill. Like, I'm so fit. No, that that was insane. But I think what stood out to me the most about it is that my son actually took a video of it and backtrack actually when I first right before like when I talked to the professor about coming, my coach, uh, I said, Jason, what do I wear? And he was like, Oh, anything you just go to the gym in. Like, because it's just it's like a workout. Oh no. And so I didn't put anything together. I was like, I just go, what do we work out in? Girls just go in their their Lululemon pants and their sports bras. And so I show up and you know, drilling, not really thinking of it. And you know, I part of me thinks he probably thought to like offer me a rash guard, but didn't want to make me feel uncomfortable or anything, because you know, women and our minds. And so um it came to the live round and I wasn't really thinking about it. And you know, I um I I I rolled as my professor. I think he's the one really that I rolled with just because I I was so new, I didn't really feel comfortable yet branching out. And I I remember my son taking a video, and he he was like, Oh mommy, and he's cheering for me. And then he was telling me what to do, and it was like the blind leading the blind. And then in the background of this video is like a man laughing at me on the wall of my first round, and it wasn't like he was being mean, but, anyways, I took when I got home and I watched that video, I just noticed so many different things about it. One, first and foremost, don't go to a no-geek class in sports bra without a shirt on because that was just ridiculous. Second of all, my son just cheering for me, and he's like, Mom, go mom, and trying to tell me what to do. That was just such a beautiful moment. And then three, that I had a smile on my face, and it was like a smile I had not felt or have seen in in just a really long time. And then four, wait, was that four, four or five? I forgot what number I was on, but whatever number I was on, the last thing, the man actually who that was laughing at me on the wall at how ridiculous I looked with my spazzy motions, probably the fact that I was not in the right attire attire for this. I didn't look like I belong, has now been my boyfriend of we dated for a year and now we've been together officially for two years.

Joe Motes (Host) 15:36

So wow, all of yeah. So two origin stories there. That's that's crazy. That's a video you'll save forever, right?

SPEAKER_04 15:46

I mean, that's that's that is so I have it on my Instagram with like a like a little sentimental song in the background, you know what us girls do.

Joe Motes (Host) 15:54

Oh I um yeah, I love I love so when we connected and we started talking about getting an episode together. I watched some of your uh uh videos on Instagram. I didn't see that one. Um I saw the one where you were competing and uh the one that I remember, and you got the uh opponent in guillotine, like an arm in guillotine, and I was like, Oh, I was sitting there like watching a video, close, close, and you close the guard, and it was over after that. I was like, yes, yes, but it's so fun to you know, it's so fun to now, like at our level now, because we're both blue belts, and it sounds like we've been training around the same amount of time, but it's so cool to like now um feel a little bit of confidence in in kind of what we're doing and and knowing what to watch for. And like I'll watch some of the IBJ J F uh opens right on YouTube sometime for some miracle I'm not doing something on a Saturday. Yeah, just sitting there no no no get the underhook, get the underhook in this like oh my gosh, the underhook these people through, and it's just like but like if that was me, I wouldn't I mean I'd be doing the same thing, just probably trying to survive. But I think it's so cool. The the reason I bring this up, I just think it's so cool that like you're able to see where you were and like where you are, right?

SPEAKER_04 17:16

It's it's so different, and not only just my jiu-jitsu, but like myself as a person too. It's just crazy how jujitsu is it's not about jujitsu. It's it's real, it's about real life and the lessons that it teaches you. It's uh it's just so

First Class Lessons And Confidence

SPEAKER_04 17:35

beautiful. I try to talk to my boys all the time about uh the beauty of growth uh when they get frustrated or uh with whatever they're doing, whether it's a sport or anything, just the beauty of growth is a phrase that I always repeat to them.

Joe Motes (Host) 17:51

A hundred percent. What so you with your your students, do they know you train jujitsu and the faculty that you teach with? Do they know what you do on the weekends?

SPEAKER_04 18:01

So prior to being uh in first grade, so first grade is actually new for me. I came from the high school. So first grade I started in January. So I came from the high school, and not only a high school, a continuation high school. And it was the the best job. I love working with the little kids. I I just think kids of all ages are so fun to work with. Um, but my high schoolers, yes, when they found out, they were hilarious. So when I would go to a tournament and come back, they would say, like, oh Miss Sadie, how did you do? And I'd always be honest with them, like, oh, Miss Sadie won, she did great, or oh, you know, uh Miss Sadie got her booty kicked this weekend, but we're gonna go back next week and it's gonna be fine. And every single time they're like, Hey, can we see your videos? And I would say, Oh yeah, let me, I'm gonna pull up the one of me winning. And every single time, no, we that's not the one we want to see. We want to see you get your ass kicked. So every single time my students would only ever want to see I showed them one time one of me winning, and all they were like, no, no, that's not the one we wanted to see.

Joe Motes (Host) 19:17

So I think that's just humanity, right? That's what we want to do is see the see see people fail. Yes, and I think entertainment in that.

SPEAKER_04 19:24

Yes, my in the first year at Blue, and don't get me wrong, I still I still lose. I mean, it's inevitable, especially when you put yourself out there so much. Um, there's someone's always gonna be there to humble you, and that's the beauty of the sport. But my first year at blue was just butt whooping. I won my first round at blue, and so I thought, okay, I'm meant to be here, and then it was just butt whooping after butt-whooping. It was a humbling year, and I I just remember being like, okay, we're gonna do it again. We're gonna get back out there. And so that's why when my I like I would show back up to the high school, my students would be like, Hey, did you get your butt kicked again this week at Mercedes? Just in front of the class. And I, yeah, actually I did. Thank you.

Joe Motes (Host) 20:09

Yeah, I know I know teachers say like I've heard it from a lot of teachers, um, that like their students are kind of like they're e yeah, like they're real kids in the sense of you know, they make you feel the worst and the best about yourself.

SPEAKER_04 20:22

So yes, they they do not hold back, and I I love that about them. But you know, I actually had to use my jujitsu at the high school one time. No, yeah, yeah, there was a girl fight, and it was a uh very petite girl, and then the other girl was a lot heavier, and that girl was able to get on top of the other girl when they came, uh, when they fell. And as I my part of me was like, Oh shoot, what do I do? Do I go hands-on? And then the other part of me was like, today's the day, like like that that mission finding Nemo where he's like, the tank is clean. Um, and so I just remember running over there and I was like, okay, how do I tactily do this? Like, I'm not, I don't want to hurt anybody. So I just got behind the girl. I said, Hey, I am a staff member, please, like, no throwing punches, but I have to remove you from her. You're gonna hurt her. And so I remember just kind of getting like like a seatbelt in and kind of just pulling her back. And I I remember like coach always saying, You can't go straight back, you're gonna hurt somebody's knees in like the first few classes. And so trying to fall to the side and getting like a little uh one of my hooks in to move her leg off of the young lady. But yeah, I uh I uh I I'll always remember that. It it was so it you you never know when you're gonna need it.

Joe Motes (Host) 21:51

No, I think um I I I think that's awesome, awesome share and and you know it's it's I don't talk to too many people. That have like stories where they had to like literally use it either to defend themselves or someone else. That was my only time. That I do remember was someone. He's an educator. He's a coach, a physical coach, a PE coach, right? At one of the big high schools, public high schools around here. And yeah, he had uh a guy came in with a weapon. And I don't know, I can't remember if it was a gun or what it was, but um David saw him and tackled him and like took him down double leg takedown, right? The whole like double leg blast, right? And just slammed this guy. And um yeah, it's and I think that's you know, it's sad that we we live in the before you know, without going into all the issues society faces now, it's just so hard that schools are dealing with that. And I think you know, not only you know, you have these schools where teachers carry and stuff like that. And you know, I was in the military for 17 well 16 years, really. And you know, uh multiple combat tours. I went to Iraq three times, I went to Afghanistan once, Kuwait once, spent some time on the border of Iran. So, like it's my point sharing all that is different shooting at someone and shooting at a target or going out and you know, having some family fun shooting at bottles and stuff, and you know, a lot of people carry, you know, and and say they have it to protect themselves. It's different when you pull it out and point it at somebody. Now, yeah, I say all of that to say how cool would it be if just like law enforcement, right? Uh, that I fully believe need to have some type of jujitsu type grappling training. Like teachers these days need to have some kind of self-defense and and way to defend themselves and you know uh their students. I'm not saying they have to be like the super fit body builders or marathon runners. I'm just saying they need to have some kind of basic, and I think jujitsu would be a great answer for that.

SPEAKER_04 24:12

Yeah, I think so too. You have no idea how many times I have stood in my first grade classroom looking around the room and just thinking, where would I hide them? And I thought also about um how yes, I'm just so grateful to have jujitsu, but thinking like now it's just another, it's another motivation. I went from having two little boys to having now 24 kids, including them, because you know, I I I would have a class essentially of 22 kids. And if some heaven forbid, someone broke into the school and I I would have to be the person that stood in the way first, you know. And I I do look around the classroom and I'm like, I need to, I need to come up with something and and patent it. Somewhere I can like hide the kids, like behind the whiteboard, like a uh like a bulletproof whiteboard where they can all just like go line up behind. I don't know.

Joe Motes (Host) 25:12

I always thought about like um do you so without you know asking your age, so I went to I went to school in like the 80s and 90s.

SPEAKER_01 25:22

Oh, I'm 34.

Joe Motes (Host) 25:24

Yeah, so I um so they used to have these pull-out dividers that you could pull and it was split the class. Like, how cool would it be if there was like in the middle of the class? Because the door is always up front where you could just pull it and shut it down, but it's like iron or something, or like it's some kind of bulletproof where like, all right, now they're protected. Now you gotta deal with my triangle choke, dude, to get to them. So I don't know what to do.

SPEAKER_05 25:49

Um, no.

SPEAKER_04 25:52

Because I I I'll tell you what, you'll never catch me on my Instagram videos double-legging somebody like your friend David. I I may be 34, but my knees are not equipped for that.

Joe Motes (Host) 26:03

That's uh I've I've gotten more into takedowns lately, but it's just because I used to be a hundred percent guardpooler, but I've gotten into some judo stuff, man. It's that's cool.

SPEAKER_04 26:13

I I wish I I was taked down girly through and through with my with my white belt. It was the collar drag always for me. I that's what I'm doing now. Yes, I love the collar drag. So simple. It's yeah, it it works as long as you you do it properly. So not all of my videos are me. Yes, not all of my videos are me doing that properly. But it was actually my my second blue belt tournament. I think it was my second, and I experienced someone in the Nogi uh tournament at Grappling X jumping my guard, and it hurt my knees. I felt my knees almost buckle back and I was not prepared for it. And that moment on, I said, I I I need these. I am a single mom. I need to go to work, I am a teacher, I want to do jujitsu. Um, and from that moment on, I started pulling guard. And my and you will see in my video actually that with that same girl, I go to pull guard again. And because I never practice pulling guard, I pull as if I forgot what I had, but as if I was like pulling in the gi, and then I realized it was slippery, and I fall back and smack my head on the ground. And I I made a reel out of it. I don't know if it's still on there with that that that song that goes, oh no, oh no, no, no. And it's me slow motion falling back and hitting my head. Yeah, I uh that's that's why I became a guard polar. It just I don't like the the I watched somebody at a world league tournament in my boyfriend's bracket. Um, one of the men jumped guard on another guy, and you just watch his knees go backwards and he was out. They had to come put him on a stretcher, take him away. It was so sad. I mean, we signed the waiver, we really do.

SPEAKER_03 28:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:08

So if you out there are a guard jumper, yeah.

Joe Motes (Host) 28:15

Um, let's let's it's I think great opener here. Um, I think uh I want to move on and talk about um you found jujitsu. We talked a little bit when we had our intro call, kind of in a in a hard season, right? Yeah, and I think um, you know, a lot of people find jujitsu when they need something, even if they don't know what that is. And I I think you I think that was maybe true for you. Is it was that true for you?

SPEAKER_04 28:46

Yeah, I uh definitely was. I uh was going through a divorce and I had my two boys, I was bartending, and I knew that I wanted I wanted to be more for my boys, and I wanted my boys to have, you know, a good life. I I mean that's all we hope for, right, as parents.

Teaching Kids And Real School Fights

SPEAKER_04 29:10

But I think part of that was realizing that in order for them to have a good life, it was not about money or even education. Yes, going back to school and education was huge. Um, but it was uh really focusing on my mental health and the way that my brain just had become wired and jujitsu just kind of fell into my lap. You know, kind of the same way people find God, right? I don't know if you're religious at all, but God found me not in church, not in a prayer in a song, or maybe it maybe in a prayer, but it was not in a church or during morning.

Joe Motes (Host) 29:55

He was in prison, did he?

SPEAKER_04 29:56

He did not find prison. No, thank goodness.

Joe Motes (Host) 29:59

He needs to find a lot of people in prison.

SPEAKER_04 30:01

Yeah, he does find a lot of people in prison. I follow actually some um at this Christian website where they um they they tried they rehabilitate oh what is it? They they they put parents that haven't seen their kids in forever in normal clothing and get them gifts to give their kids so their kids don't have memories of them um in jumpsuits and things like that. I follow some something like that. Yeah, it's beautiful, but but anyways, totally off track. I um jujitsu just found me at my worst. It found me at my lowest, and I did not realize I don't think, I don't think I realized I was at my lowest, or maybe I did because I knew I knew I needed to make a change, and I knew starting that doing that class, a trial class was gonna make my son happy. And um so yeah, that that that's that's how it found me is I was serious anxiety, serious depression. I was I was taking Atavan to sleep at night and uh that it was difficult because I would wake up, my heart would be pounding in uh I'd wake up in my Apple Watch that I had would say that my heart was in like the 170s, 180s. It was it was so high. Yeah, because it my panic attacks actually came out in my sleep. So when I would fall asleep, I would for some reason my body, it was, I don't know if my body finally would relax and then it would start really realizing how much stress it was under because I didn't realize how much stress it was under. My body told me I ended up throwing that watch away because then seeing that number stressed me out even more. And so I ended up probably like a month later just taking it and I threw it in the trash, and um, I never monitored my heart rate again. And honestly, life has been so much better after that, too. Cause I think yeah, and um yeah, so that that's again, that's that's that's where it found me. Not a good place.

Joe Motes (Host) 32:02

Was there a moment, and thank you for sharing. Was there a moment when when you realized, hey, this is helping me? And like this is this is becoming more than I thought it would, like, as far as helping me in this hard season? Was there like you can't put your finger on like a specific day or an event, but like how how did that evolve for you?

SPEAKER_04 32:25

Yeah, so like I said earlier with my first class, I think it first started when I realized how happy I looked in the video my son took of me. And I was just I I'm so grateful that he did that because he never really recorded anything. So um that was something that helped me realize, okay, I'm I'm one, he was happy to look at I'm I'm smiling and I'm having fun. And my coach is awesome, he's always been amazing. I love Jason so much. Um, I've known him for probably now like 15 years, and um that, and then I didn't really notice the man on the wall just yet. I just kind of knew he was laughing at me, so I kind of stayed away from for a while because I was like, wow, that was rude. Um but I I thought it was so fun with one of the girls that was in the class, she's still there now. It's just the two of us just learning how to throw each other. We were, I remember we were hip tossing each other, and it took me forever for my little chicken legs to be able to actually hop her up. And it's like she's not big by any means. It was just my little legs getting her on my hip and uh tossing her over. Um, let's see, by month month three or four was when I realized uh it was like a huge mental shift for me by month three or four. And I was off antidepressants, I was off um anxiety medication, I was sleeping through the night without the heart palpitations, without 200 beats per minute, heart attacks.

Joe Motes (Host) 34:09

Yes, yeah, yeah, without heart attacks.

SPEAKER_04 34:11

Urgent care is real got real tired of me. At one point, I went to my my sister's in RN and I went to her hospital because my job said, you need to leave, you need to go, and you need to fix whatever is going on. And basically it was like, hey, like it's it's it's okay, like just don't come back until you're not panicking anymore.

Joe Motes (Host) 34:37

I'm sure that added to your anxiety, like that added to my anxiety, yes.

SPEAKER_04 34:44

Yeah, and then I just became a frequent flyer. My sister's hospital, Temecula Valley, told me in the room. They didn't, they just hooked me up again to the leads to remind me, like, hey, Sadie, you're not actually having a heart attack. You you can go home now. Um, but they ended up telling me they're like, You you have an anxiety disorder, you need to go to a um to a psychologist. Skip the therapy, go to a psychologist. And um, and so I did, and that was helpful. But jujitsu truly, I would say is was the backbone to all of it. And I am not perfect. I still struggle here and there um with things, you know, it goes in waves, hormones fluctuate, and I feel like that that plays a factor into it. Or um, but yeah, I think by month three or four, um right right before I did my first tournament, I think because I thought, you know what, this is helping me. I I'm I can do it, I can do a tournament. And uh so it was right before then, so definitely month four for sure, is when I realized.

Joe Motes (Host) 35:52

Yeah, so it's someone uh like I I deal with anxiety when I left the military. They diagnosed me. Well, they diagnosed me with a lot of stuff, but I mean it that was just gonna happen. I mean, I was gone more than I was at home. Um yeah, but it was anxiety, like chronic anxiety, and I would I like I couldn't go to like Walmart and Walmart's Walmart, um I couldn't go to like big sporting events, like crowded things, fireworks, yeah, like I mean, I just like it was just like so overwhelming and um and and if if I'm being honest, and you may feel this way too, I don't know, but I think those of us who struggle with anxiety um regardless of jujitsu, vibants, all these different types of of medications, that's ADHD, but anyway, um we're we're always gonna have some level of this anxiety in us, right? I think our brains. But you know, for me, and I do have a question now on this. Um for me it with jujitsu and anxiety and uh the relationship between the two. I I can't expect put into words how much better life got when I started you know doing jujitsu on the anxiety side of the house, right? And I think it's because for me my brain, you know, when I get anxious and stuff, uh, you know, uh steps help me. And and and jujitsu is taught to us in steps, in steps, yeah. And in like a pattern, right? And I think that's what helped help with me. So my question how did uh training affect your anxiety?

SPEAKER_04 37:48

How did it affect it?

Joe Motes (Host) 37:50

Um did it make it worse?

SPEAKER_04 37:52

I I you know I never think about that, but and some people you know what for the first year when somebody would be on mount on me, um, or I was balled up because I kind of learned early on as a petite person that um inverting was kind of a saving grace.

SPEAKER_03 38:17

That's a superpower for featherwood.

SPEAKER_04 38:20

Yeah, and um I when I would get smushed in my inversions, or here I am like trying to invert to tell the story, um, or when I I would be in someone would be in mount and be in high mount and I couldn't get it. The shoulder out from yeah, uh, I would have a panic attack. I would there's there were several times where I had to just like tap from someone on me and run outside, and then I would, I would you'd hear like the the wheezing through my throat. I would, I would be so scared. And I have so for the first year my coach was like, you need to work on being in that position and breathing and just telling yourself, like, I am okay, I am fine, I'm I'm not gonna die. Like all I have to do is just tap. Isn't that funny? Like, all that's all you gotta do. But yet my brain is. It's literally all you have to do is just is is tap and then and then it's done. But yet my my brain thought maybe just like when I wake up in the morning, for some reason when I wake up in the morning, my brain is what was it? It's like thinking my whole body just thinks I'm like storming the beaches of Normandy, but yet I'm just trying to get ready for work.

SPEAKER_03 39:40

Right.

SPEAKER_04 39:41

And so that's kind of that's kind of what what it was like for the first year. I uh and it what's so funny too is there was a there's a little girl in the kids' class, and my coach Jason had to do the same thing with her, and part of me felt like I was I was not alone for that whole year because she in the kids' class, I would see him just he was a lot nicer with her though. Like he would just tell her, like, hey, he would get down. Oh my gosh, there's a fly. I um he would just get down and he would tell her, like, hey, just breathe through it. You're okay, you can shrimp, you could try to get out. With me, it was like you you could say you could just tap. Oh, shoot. Yeah, okay.

Joe Motes (Host) 40:24

Yeah, I tell people my favorite escape is the tap. So they're like, what's your favorite escape? Well, giving up and tapping.

SPEAKER_04 40:32

And I I am not afraid to tap either. I tell people all the time, like, especially with arm bars. I had my arm ripped off at a tournament one time from not tapping. And because I was watching the the the timer go down, I thought I could make it. No, I tap so easily now.

Joe Motes (Host) 40:50

I mean, like, like we're like you're you're a competitor. We can say, hey, and we're gonna talk about your comp uh competition and competitive track here in a bit, but it's safe to say you're a little more than a hobbyist. Um there there's also always gonna be that hobbyist s you because you have children, you have a full-time job, you're probably making assumptions you're the

Anxiety Depression And Training As Therapy

Joe Motes (Host) 41:10

sole income earner for your family and your kids and your, you know, it's like we can't afford to like the brink of destruction. I mean, I'm yeah, I'm 46. So when the 25 or 28-year-old white belt that's been training for five months comes in and just trashes me, yeah, and he catches me, I'm I'm tapping, buddy. I don't care. Yeah, it's it's always I'm my I don't have any ego there, buddy. I'm coming home.

SPEAKER_04 41:39

Yeah, exactly. It's always the the the guys that I feel like they just get out of high school and they nobody wants to lose to the smallest girl in the room at all. Yes, yeah, that's how I broke my pinky toe. It my my foot was slammed in in class. And yeah, sometimes so it sometimes we just have to leave the ego at the door. And I always tell these boys, I'm like, hey, if you and I, if we go outside right now and have a street fight, everybody in this room knows who's gonna come out on top. So you do not have to tear me apart limb from limb right now. Like if you are stuck in my lasso or whatnot, like you will learn to get out. Please do not pick me up and slam me. That is not an effective way. We we are not at a fight to win. Don't don't slam me, please.

Joe Motes (Host) 42:35

It's funny you mention lasso because that's kind of like my go-to for somebody that's new and just like especially in Ghee, if they're like killing me and they're brand new. But I know like they're out, and I'm like, okay, lasso, you're not gonna figure this out.

SPEAKER_04 42:49

Isn't that awful when someone just comes in off the street and we've been there for three years and they're just like absolutely working us? I'm like, dang, I just showed up to jujitsu every single day for the last three years, and this person comes off the street.

Joe Motes (Host) 43:03

It's a little deflating, it is, yeah. And um, uh you know, it's happening. I will say this, it's happening to me less, which I'm I'm thankful for, but I don't think that's something that will ever go away in jujitsu. I mean, no, um, I mean, there's always that there's there's no one in jujitsu in the jiu-jitsu community that is the best in the world and um can always 100% beat everybody, all shapes and sizes.

SPEAKER_04 43:29

There's nobody, but um well, I feel like that's why some people won't compete because once you put yourself out there, you're no longer the best in your gym.

SPEAKER_01 43:36

That's right. That's right.

SPEAKER_04 43:37

I I I noticed that among people, like whether they want to be like the really good girl of the gym or the really good guy, uh it they're they're such uh they're they're so afraid of failure, which which I in absolutely for a while was one of those afraid of failure. I was afraid to push myself in a tournament because what if I fail? Well, I just failed anyways if you're gonna call it a failure. Because you just chose to lose, basically. So that I I get that. But at the same time, yeah, I think there's some people that won't step out because they want to be perceived as the best. But then once you become a competitor, you realize like we all just don't know what we're doing out there in the blue belt division. I tell people all the time, people will come up to me and ask me questions. They assume because I compete almost every other weekend, they think, oh, she must know everything. I just did a class this morning on how to escape someone choking me with their hooks in. And I was not doing well. And the girl was just a white belt. She just got her blue belt, and I'm like trying to get out. No, nobody you we I tell people when they ask me questions, I am a really good white belt. That's all I am. It's a really, really good white belt right now.

Joe Motes (Host) 44:48

And maybe that's a mentality we should all probably just keep for a while and and always think like that. And um, but no, I uh you know, you you've been kind of pivoting to to um another section or segment or whatever here. You you've been very open, at least uh when we talk, and I think you you talk about it uh in other forms too, probably, but walking through some really difficult seasons, including divorce, right? Yeah, you know, um single motherhood. We've talked about anxiety and and things like that, and I don't want to put words in your mouth, but um, I would love to talk about how jujitsu helped you move through that season. Now, I've I've been through divorce myself, and you lose a lot of things about kind of yourself, and one of the things you lose is confidence. And you you start kind of doubting like your decision making, and like there's all kinds of like these internal things that go on. How did jujitsu help you regain some of the things you lost in those hard seasons?

SPEAKER_04 45:53

Yeah, I think I was just lost in general, honestly, prior to all of that happening, the divorce and everything. I think um my whole life I just never thought I was capable of doing anything hard. And marriage is hard, relationships are hard, and I think that um raising children is hard. I think I I just uh postpartum just fell into such a a rut and feeling like I don't even know who I am. And after my life just felt like it spiraled downwards, and I I I felt like I hit a rock bottom, and I think jujitsu played so many different roles, and I think at first what jujitsu did was jujitsu was was um what's what's the proper word? It was almost like it took my mind off of everything. It was like a band-aid. I used jujitsu, I think at first was a band-aid. That was the first stage of it, which in a way did that help. In a way it did, yeah. Um, I was off the antidepressants and all that. My body was moving, it was exercising, and I was eating more. Um, but in another sense, I felt like it was a defense mechanism in a way. Um, I don't know, it was keeping me from really sorting through the bigger picture, which was who are you as a person and what type of person do you want to be? What kind of mother do you want to be? Um, and once I got through like the first part, I think then jujitsu went from being a band-aid to jujitsu meeting me at meeting me at rock bottom and saying like, hey, we're like we're we're gonna we're gonna pull you up here. And you're here's it's almost like a like you're climbing a rope and this rope is really like the the hallway in the shining that just keeps going, you know.

Joe Motes (Host) 48:09

That's a horrible movie, by the way. I uh that's one horror movie I will never watch.

SPEAKER_04 48:15

It's like the that hallway, you know, that just is never ending and it keeps getting longer. That's kind of what jujitsu is because you know it's a long journey. And I jujitsu started helping me, not only the way that I see myself, I think now that I see myself in a better light, I treat others differently and I see things differently. So it went from a band-aid to helping me realize, like, hey, girl, like hey, yeah, here you're you're getting through you're working through anxiety and depression, but you still have a lot of issues here that you need to resolve now. Like, let's let's fix this. Let's it's so it helped me kind of sift through each thing. Like each part.

unknown 48:57

Sorry.

SPEAKER_04 48:58

Go ahead, go ahead. No, I don't remember what I was gonna say.

Joe Motes (Host) 49:01

No, I uh sorry to interrupt. Did it change the way you saw yourself?

SPEAKER_04 49:06

Oh yeah, yeah. I um I think a lot of people with eating disorders can agree when um when you have an eating disorder, a lot of what comes with that is body dysmorphia. And I don't think body dysmorphia will ever go away. I do think I still like when you have an eating disorder. I feel like a lot of us walk past a mirror and we stare at ourselves every time we walk past a mirror. It's like every time there's like an opening and you can see yourself in a reflection, you kind of just gaze. And it's not a conceited gaze. It's like, oh, did what I eat is it, can you see it? Or, oh, now that I ate that, I'm so huge in this reflection. Um, I think it it helped with that. I think it helped me realize down the line as well that you that I can do hard things, that I just made it through all of these seasons. And I think that has now come into play into even my relationship now or parenting seasons. Um well, I have two very different kids. Um one is more mellow, one is very spirited. Um, and so, you know, there, I don't know, it just it helps you see things so much differently. And I know that I can do hard things and um no matter what, it doesn't mean that everything's gonna be perfect. Doesn't mean my life is gonna be perfect, but I know that I can face whatever any challenge. I mean, how can you not when you sign up every weekend and you go stare at somebody and have to fist bump them and then kumbosh, and then you're they're they're running at you at full speed.

SPEAKER_01 50:40

Yeah.

Joe Motes (Host) 50:40

So uh yeah, it's it it's like this this perfect, imperfect thing that we do, and uh it but it just it I asked that question because it it it definitely changed the way I kind of view myself and the things. I mean, I started when I was forty-two. I didn't really think that at 42 I I worked all the time, I came home, I was dad, I was you know, hubby, I was all the things. I I mean I was all these things. I did I didn't realize that I needed something for myself. I I found the thing that I just obsessed with and would have been years ago. Uh but like now it just kind of showed up and changed, like, you know, I can do all these things, even though you know I'm a little older and later in life.

SPEAKER_04 51:25

And yeah, it really is for everybody. Yeah, it truly is for everybody. I and I uh I our gym just started like a I think it's a 50 and over class. Um wow for for some of the guys who don't want to, you know, roll with the younger

Panic On The Mats And Learning To Breathe

SPEAKER_04 51:45

guys. Like that piece us apart that just walking from the street, though those guys. And so um it really, it it really is. I I hate when I hear people say, like, oh, I want to try it, but I'm not in shape. Well, just because I was 105 pounds soaking wet does not mean I was in shape. I wasn't. I could not make it through rounds without having to sit on that wall. I could, I could, I couldn't make it through probably the first couple months of every single round in class. It does not mean that I was in shape just because your body may be bigger, you may have extra weight on you, or you're not eating properly, or you're smoking or whatnot, whatever makes you feel like you're not in shape. You it you don't have to wait to be in shape to start jujitsu. You you you just you just do it, you just make it work, you just do it.

Joe Motes (Host) 52:30

I weighed I weighed 220 pounds. I was so overweight and so out of shape. I mean, I when I left the military, I was like shredded. I was like, I look good. I'm just so that was 220 pounds of uh muscle? No, oh no, of coca-cola, sweet tea, cheeseburger. I'm talking about when I left the military, I was and then from the time I left the military to I found jujitsu, I just let myself go. And uh but sweet tea's a thing out there.

SPEAKER_04 53:02

I mean you're in Georgia, right? You guys love that stuff.

Joe Motes (Host) 53:06

And and uh I think I ended up I got down to I don't know if this is an eating disorder or not, but what I was doing, I was training two to three times a day. I was burning thirteen hundred like something calories, and I was only taking in like eight hundred. So my body started eating them also. I got down to like 173. I look like I was getting sick. And um but anyway, uh it's it I I don't even know why I bring that up.

SPEAKER_04 53:34

Uh but it does that, it uh it it helps you, it helps you get back in shape.

Joe Motes (Host) 53:40

It does. I so I mean starting out of shape is the best time to start because you're gonna see all this progress. Um I want to talk about because I know uh I always love uh kind of gauging as we go through like these episodes where your guests come on and you kind of look at the time and you're like, oh, you're at an hour and you're having this amazing conversation. You only cover like that. Oh yeah, sorry, I can talk for forever.

SPEAKER_04 54:03

My coach hates it.

Joe Motes (Host) 54:04

Like it's it's a sign of exactly what you want in these types of conversations and getting you know things out to the listeners. So I'm I'm super excited, but I want to make sure that we cover your your competition life. So uh you compete a lot. Yes. Um you say you compete like all every month, right?

SPEAKER_04 54:25

I mean like Yeah, I try to. Yeah, I try to. I uh pulled you into it.

Joe Motes (Host) 54:30

Like, what made you say I'm gonna sign up for my first competition? Because that's a that's a big Yeah, I'll tell you why.

SPEAKER_04 54:38

My son came up to me. My son said, Hey mom, uh you make me compete. You need to do it too. And I was like, Oh, nobody, mommy, mommy's 30 years old, she doesn't, she's not gonna compete. And he goes, That it's only fair. And I sat and I thought about it, and I was like, shoot, he's right. Like, I there are times where I was like, Oh, I signed you up for this and didn't even ask it. Reflecting back, I I know there's some parents out there that are gonna disagree with me and they think like, nope, competition is life, you have to do it. I will never force my kids to do another competition. The way that I see their little bodies with the stress, oh, that and the stress that I get from it, I will never force them ever to compete. That's a choice, and they have here and there made a choice, but anyways, yeah, for myself, um, was definitely my son saying that, and I signed up and I my first tournament was a world league, and there were eight girls in the bracket, and I showed up hyperventilating. I I rode with my coach down there, and um I remember just in the ride on uh going down there, he was like, How do you feel? I was with him and his son, and I was in the backseat just sitting dead center in the middle, and I was like, I think I'm okay. Yeah, I think I'm fine. And I just I just want to do, I hope I do well. And then I get there, and then the nerves set in. And I think I peed like 30 times in 30 minutes. Like, I don't know what it is about nerves, but I did not realize I wasn't even drinking water because I was so nervous about weight and everything, and I've never had a weigh-in for anything in my life, which I don't know why I was concerned about weight because I didn't really weigh much at all. And then I started watching other people's rounds. Okay, they should not have the gray belt children go before the adult white belts because those kids are insane. And so I was I was watching them thinking, oh my gosh, this is what my round's gonna be look look like. I saw flying arm bars, I saw all this stuff, and um and yeah, eight-girl bracket, and it was like first round, slap hands, fist bump, and I blacked out, and then all of a sudden my hand's being raised, and I was like, whoa. And then I run off the mat, and then my coach is like, no, go shake, go shake her coach's hand. Like, don't be rude. And I was like, oh crap. So I have to go back, shake the coach's hand, and he was like, Yeah, you have more. And I'm like, But my fingers hurt so bad, and everything hurts. I'm I I don't know what happened. I I'm coming into consciousness, I'm still hyperventilating. So he's massaging my fingers. I think another coach, her um Jojo, she was there massaging my fingers, and they're like, You did great! Like, you just you gotta go out there again now that you won. And so then I went out for my second round again. I slap hands, I black out, and then all of a sudden my hands being raised. And I was like, no freaking way. I was like, this is not happening. There's no way I'm sobbing every time my hands raise, I'm sobbing. And then I go into my next match, and I was like, okay, you guys, I'm done. And they're like, no, you're not done, you won again. I was like, oh my God, I don't ever want to do this again. What is going on here? And so I uh I so then I go out, slap hands with this girl, and kind of kind of black out. And then I but I think this one I was more conscious because I was just so exhausted by this point, and but your fight or flight is what's carrying you through, right? Like that wasn't even Sadie out there, that that was just someone else taking over. And that was the Lord's grace just taking me on out there. He really took the wheel, and then um I look up and I think I'm 20 in points. I have 20 points. She has zero. And I'm just thinking, wow, what the heck? This is crazy. And um then she throws me into her guard, and you know, we're white belts, so we don't really know much other than to, you know, put the elbows in the in the legs and yeah, dig in. Let's go. And she pulls me into a triangle, and I'm trying to, you know, get out of this triangle, and she's trying to tighten her legs and adjust, and I it's getting tighter and tighter and tighter. And I'm like, but I'm up 20 zero, like I can, I can make it, I can make it. And then I think it was two seconds left. I didn't know it was two seconds, and I tap, and so I lost the the round to gold, which is fine because I had already been phenomenal. She deserved it, she she got me, she she won fair and square, it doesn't matter about the points, and uh and yeah, I uh that was my first competition. I was sobbing. And don't get me wrong, I still cry. Honestly, I still cry online.

Joe Motes (Host) 59:29

Um and uh it's well it's a lot, I mean, you put a lot of work into that, and you know, people it's it is an emotional thing. I mean, I I just never thought I would be there. I got choked up too, and that's after several, several losses, and I didn't even win gold when I you know, but uh, you know, you feel if you win any match in your bracket, whether it's eight, whether you're fighting two, three, four, five times, you feel accomplished. You know, yeah, or you should. You know, it's it's hard. A lot of people you know train all year for worlds, and you know, like you said, you can go and tap out in two seconds or thirty seconds, and you know there's a disappointment in it, but there's there's more I'm looking for here. Um I think I think we as competitors or those of us that compete should always maintain this appreciation of the fact that hey, I'm out here, I'm doing it, I'm putting my you know, left foot in front of the right and committing to this. When when we think about winning and losing, how do you handle losing the match mentally, emotionally, and um you know, also the winning side. Some people will let winning go straight to their head and you know, uh get disappointed later. How do you how do you handle well? Let's take losing first.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:03

So if you were to ask me about losing several years ago, I would take that hard and I would take that home and I would use it as um a basically a mirror of what my self-worth was. I would I put all this effort, I'm doing something hard, but yet I'm not winning. If I'm if I'm working hard, if I like I can do hard things now, why am I not winning? You know, and I would think I would go home and I would just obsess over it and I would cry. It would ruin a couple a few days for me. And then now with losing, um I just I think it's so beautiful. I really do. I'm sorry, there is a fly that's flying around me.

Joe Motes (Host) 1:01:51

We should get him on get him on the mic, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:53

I yeah, seriously, yeah, he has something to say. A friend who's doing this. I it it really and I know that people are gonna that people are not gonna agree with me, but I just went to Masters International and I lost my round to this girl, I think her name was Chloe, and she just had a stellar guard game. And I I I I just I I went home and I re-watched the videos, and to me, I just thought like, wow, I I want my guard game to be like this, and I'm not too far off. Like I had great moments, like don't get me wrong. But I I I just see the beauty in losing because really it what what's what's the overall bigger picture? To be on top of the podium and and have a gold medal, yes, that's cool. That's a cool Instagram post. But what's what's the bigger picture? I go out into the public and I'm attacked

Divorce Identity And Body Image Shifts

SPEAKER_04 1:02:55

and I'm a single mom with my two boys, and it's just me to defend them. I'd rather go lose on that mat and learn, hey, this didn't work. Now I gotta do this. This is why I do the open bracket every single time I sign up for the open, every single time. Because in my head, what well, what's the what what's the point? Before it was the the point of all this is I have to show my kids I can do hard things and win. No, now I need I need to show my kids I can do hard things and still rise when I don't accomplish what I want to accomplish. I will accomplish those things, but it's not my time right now. It was it was not my time. It was Chloe's time, and that's great. She put in all that work. We all do, but someone has to lose.

Joe Motes (Host) 1:03:34

Yeah, I love that. It's like you're you're showing them that, hey, um, I can defend you if I have to. And then the ultimate, like this is a this is a self-defense martial art. I mean, that's what that's what it was created to be, you know. And they we you know, jujitsu is a huge sport, but at the end of the day, it is can we take I love that? Can we take uh what we're learning on the map and you know use it when we need it?

SPEAKER_04 1:04:01

Yeah, exactly.

Joe Motes (Host) 1:04:06

I would I would imagine um competing as much as you you do has revealed things about yourself to you. Um can you put your finger on on some things that competing has has revealed you know kind of personally and and internally about you? I know you I know you mentioned that it um that's a big question. Um I know you mentioned a I can do hard things, but is you know, um maybe it's an emotional thing. Uh emotionally, maybe it's uh maybe it's physical. I don't know. You know, featherweight can do a lot of a lot of different things.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:50

We it can. We can do a lot of stuff. And I I remember signing up for the open one time. This is totally not the answer to the question, but real side, quick side story. I signed up for the open one time and one of the girls laughed at me because she saw that there were all these um uh heavyweight girls in there. It was my first blue belt submission on someone that was probably about 230 pounds. It was a guillotine. Oh, and yeah, and I my boyfriend likes to go back there and tell her. Yeah, yeah, it's on my it's on my Instagram. There is a video of it.

Joe Motes (Host) 1:05:23

That's awesome.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:24

Yeah, and um, you know, you can't, I was so proud of myself, and in the video I'm crying again. But I uh yeah, you it re it revealed that yes, first and foremost, I can do hard things, but also that I can stick with something that just because it's hard doesn't mean we quit. We don't quit when things get hard, we just readjust and we keep going. And I think that's the biggest thing for me for for in my whole life. I just never thought I was capable. I I never shockingly enough, I wasn't I never thrived to. School setting. I later found out when I went to the psychiatrist that I was undiagnosed with ADHD my whole life. And I see it. I I knew I have a son, my youngest has it. He is so busy, although it presents itself differently in little boys than it does girls. But I just never, I think from a young age, I felt different from everybody. Then I moved to a state where I still felt different from everybody. A classroom environment was not conducive to the way that I could learn. And we didn't have as many tools then as we do now. So that was another thing that it gave me a um an insecurity. And then it was just little things as I grew up that um uh that played into that. And I just gave up every single time got something got hard. And I think jujitsu helped me realize that I was better than that. We're all better than that. Like we just you you it's and I don't even consider losing failures. I've I've never I would never consider anything I faced in jujitsu a failure because I keep showing up. And that's what I try to like, you know, that's all I could ask for to show my boys, right?

Joe Motes (Host) 1:07:13

So yeah, yeah, no, a hundred percent. I um I I I don't know if I figured out like if I can pinpoint the things that maybe jujitsu uh kind of changed about me. So maybe listening to your answer I can self-evaluate, but I uh I just I I don't compete yeah uh a lot, you know. I and I think because of that, right, it's uh I think there's probably an aspect that I I I myself need to kind of push past and compete a little more. And I think those that are listening to our conversation and who after this follow you and your your competitive journey, um I I think that um I don't want to say this, uh maybe it'll encourage uh more people to compete and learn a little bit more about themselves. And that's kind of why I wanted to, you know, bring it up and and ask the ask the question. So thanks, thanks so much for sharing that.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:16

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So can I uh Oh no, go ahead.

Joe Motes (Host) 1:08:20

Oh, sorry. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:22

I was just gonna say, like to encourage people to compete. I feel like I've I don't know. Um I I feel like maybe I've shed a lot on it being so so positive, but I just want to at least have some kind of truth behind it. My first year at blue was was butt whooping after butt whooping, like grappling X when I would sign up would put me with people that were like 160 pounds or the the purple belt adults. And so um I it was the the first year at blue was was tough. But then when you're in your own bracket, like blue, it is a sea of blue. That's a sea of talent. You have people who just got their blue belts, but then again, you don't know how long they were at white belt because some academies hold their white belts and blue belts for a very long time. I mean, I've talked to girls on the the um the podium about like, oh yeah, how long have you been this or how long have you been that? And I realized that I I really appreciate my coach. He does what's the word, sandbagging. He he does not do that. If you are remotely close to the next level, you're getting a challenge, sister. You're you're getting promoted. And so I um yeah, I I'm really am hoping I finish out the last this let this year at blue so I can go to worlds as blue. I I talked to him about it, but you know, you don't you don't get to choose, but I definitely am not having the success I want right now at all.

Joe Motes (Host) 1:09:50

Uh so I was at Alliance, I I got my blue belts, uh blue belt to Alliance, and you have to have X amount of training hours. Like you have you can't roll until you're two stripes. They won't let you roll until you're two-striped white belt, and you have to have 35 hours per stripe. Yeah, right. People will be there like six, seven months, not even rolling. And now this is not a knock on uh alliance. I get kind of why they do it. And when I I was already a two-strike white belt when I started, so I didn't have to wait that way. Uh, but to get the blue belt, I had to put in a lot of hours. But I did feel confident in my technique and it was awesome. Where versus like Iron Wolf and some of the places down here that I'm kind of back into now. Um just like your your your your coach uh at your gym, it's you know, when you can demonstrate that you're ready to be challenged, when you know you might start standbacking a little bit, uh it's time to time to rank up, right? And then also you have the a lot of gems. Some gems don't teach everything, you know. I mean, there's gyms that don't teach uh heel hooking tool like blue belt or purple belt here, like at Ironwolf. I mean, we got white belts just locking people. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:08

Hey, you gotta be prepared. It's coming, it's coming at some point. I don't see the knee bars, I don't mess with the knee bars. I'm not gonna be in charge of breaking somebody's leg, you know. But the the the what is it, the heel hook? Is that what what it is? I forget the name of it.

Joe Motes (Host) 1:11:23

Yeah, I don't do that. I mean, um so so you're uh so do you have uh just uh a couple more questions. I want to go in some closing questions, and um and thank you so much for all of the kind of vulnerability and and all that you're sharing here. Uh it it's really great. I um do you have kind of like an A-game? Uh is there like a favorite guards mission? Like, I mean, do you uh talk a little bit about kind of your game? Yeah, so without going too far detail if you're going to Worlds this year, but you know Oh, that's okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:57

It's you're gonna see it on flow. Uh you'll uh it everybody can see my game on flow at this point. Um I'm gonna pull. And there's no question about that. I am not gonna fight you for a takedown. I think it just I think I just exert way too much energy. I also don't want my knees to snap. Um but I So pulling guard then what? I'm pulling into X. And if I can't get to X, I'm pulling into the De La Hiva, and I will I will I will try to get to X.

Joe Motes (Host) 1:12:30

But I will ever I worked on mastering, not mastering, but like getting good at was X guard.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:38

Oh really? Oh so that came later for me. I I gravitated straight to Lasso, which really, really messed me up when I decided when I decided I got my blue belt. I never really I did Nogi here and there, but I didn't pay attention to it really. It was just more for exercise. And my boyfriend goes, Hey, we're gonna go worlds. And I was like, what the heck? I one, I don't ever do nogi. Two, I play lasso. That is my only guard because as a petite person, I just want to keep people off me. So my coach was like, You're gonna get a three-month crash course on DPAF. Let's go.

Joe Motes (Host) 1:13:16

You're not doing lasso and ogi.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:18

You are not doing lasso and ogi. And um, there are Instagram videos of people doing lasso and ogi on tutorials, and they really messed with me because I thought you could. And then I tried it in nogi and it wasn't working, and I thought, oh my gosh, Sadie, you're really bad. And then my coach is like, What are you doing? I was like, I'm playing lasso.

Joe Motes (Host) 1:13:38

You got a little like vice grips like hold for lasso and ogi, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:43

Yeah, so I I will say my deep half though is is coming along. It's it's I've had the most success with that is my deep half.

Joe Motes (Host) 1:13:52

Deep half, Bernardo Faria and Leo Negera. So so my game is deep half, half guard, uh, and close guard attacks. Like that's that's it. I'm gonna take you

Competing Often And Reframing Losses

Joe Motes (Host) 1:14:05

down. Uh I'm not gonna try to take you back from the collar drag. I'm gonna try to force um I'm gonna try to force you to turn into me. And nine times out of ten, if they're bigger, they just push me over because it's there you have no base. But I get them in close guard, and if my attacks don't work, we just sweeped them out anyway. Um but that's Bernardo Faria, uh Faria and Leo Negera have some of the best deep half, half guard. And Marcus Tinoco, if you ever want to get back into Gia lot, uh he does phenomenal um lasso stuff.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:44

Oh, okay.

Joe Motes (Host) 1:14:45

And those guys are legit. I did a and but Bernardo is also good at over-under and pressure passing, but um they're just amazing. So um just you know, yeah, I'll have to look at some of those. They're not gonna give you any garbage to not use that doesn't work. I assure you all of that.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:05

Oh, good, no, the Instagram, all the stuff I got in trouble for when I was a white belt coming in to ask my coach about.

Joe Motes (Host) 1:15:12

I have so much stuff saved that is just ridiculous. Yeah. I was like, oh, that looks cool. Um so just a a couple closing questions, uh Sadie. Uh what well, first, where did this let's talk about this Slim Sadie thing really quick. Because I'm not getting off without talking about that. Uh so let's it let's hear it.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:37

Oh, I just was obsessed with Eminem growing up. I don't listen to rap music really at all, actually, um at my age now, but I will still listen to MM. Yeah, I um I listened to a lot of boys in the car, right? Um, it depends on what song it is.

Joe Motes (Host) 1:15:54

Well, that's yeah, it's true.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:56

If it's if it's clean, and then it's if it just depends on on what song. But no, not now that I think about it, no, not really. I I don't mean you can yeah, my son one time kept saying he really liked uh Venom by MM. And I was like, what like where are you hearing this song from? But yeah, he he was trying to say that he loved Eminem. He's going into middle school this year, but even still I I don't know how he could even hear it. His phone is parental controlled to the max. So I don't know, they're sneaky. But yeah, in high school, I was obsessed with MM, even before I I got in trouble for stealing my sister's burned CD probably in 2000. Uh a little later than 2000, uh, with the song Cleaning Up My Closet on it. I could have I could wrap that song to you in the fifth grade flawlessly. And I I got in trouble when I they heard me listening to that in my, I don't think it was on my boom box upstairs. I think I had it in uh in a disc in the walkman. Um but yeah, that that's where it came from and and and it stuck. And yeah, yeah, so now I just I love this.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:11

It calls it all that it's just really cool.

Joe Motes (Host) 1:17:15

I think it's it goes along really well with your vibe too. So um the so next kind of final two questions. Uh they're they're gonna be big, so get ready. Um you know, first, what would you say to women in particular, right, who want to compete, but maybe they're afraid or just don't feel like they're ready. Um, and then here's kind of the bigger one. What do you um Sadie want your your jujitsu journey to represent?

SPEAKER_04 1:17:55

So for women out there, as far as competing, don't wait until you think you're ready. You just go out there and do it. Like you, you, you can do it. What's the worst that's gonna happen? You you lose, we all lose, and we all lose eventually. I've never met a person that just has won everything. They've done. Yeah, and to women out there, uh also, especially that are moms, do not first of all, don't ever compare yourself to anybody. But sometimes when you get on that podium or you're not on that podium, it's hard not to compare yourself to someone. You you don't you you don't do that because I I had to realize that these girls, um, when I made it to the podium uh at some of the majors, after getting to know the girls, the majority of them, they're they're not moms. And a lot of them, their husbands are coaches, or their family has done jujitsu, or they've been at blue for a while. And that is not to take away from the work that they put in because whether your husband's a coach or whether you're you're a blue belt for a while, or you're training every single day, and you can, you know, work out all day and go train all day. Um that you're putting in work like that, that those girls who do that, they're they deserve to be on that podium just as much as I do. But you can't, as a mom, you can't compare yourself because that will just eat you alive, it'll make you feel like you're not good enough. And, you know, it took me a while to see that. That just because I if people would be like, I'd be at uh a tournament, one of the big tournaments, and they'd be like, Oh, are you ready? Like, are you gonna uh are you excited? And I would always say, like, oh, I think so, but you know, I'm gonna do my best for what I what I had been doing because I wasn't training very much the the last probably nine months, maybe once once, twice a week due to student teaching and school, because I was in school full-time and working full-time. And it's like, no, get get that mindset out of here. Like, you're still showing up, you're still putting in the effort, you still deserve to be there, you're still good enough, you deserve to be in that room. You lose who who cares you were there? Like, how many other girls are still sitting at home wishing that they had the courage to try that the sport? Like, you whether you've been training forever or not that much, you deserve to be there. So don't compare yourself and just go do it.

Joe Motes (Host) 1:20:30

No, I think that's amazing. What do you hope uh your your story represents? Like you make black belt, you look back, what do you want people to see from your journey? Or maybe a study your journey so far.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:46

Yeah, I just want people to see that they're they're capable. I want people to see to be kind to one another and just that that that they're capable, no matter what. Like, don't be afraid of failure uh at all at at Masters International. I was sitting with my Check Mat team um from I'm at Temecula or I'm at Dedicated, which is located in Temecula. It's not Check Check Mat Temecula, it's a different gym.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:13

Right.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:13

But we're affiliated with Check Mat Marietta. And I was just sitting with all of us, and a lot of us did not have the outcome we wanted. And one of the guys sitting there, he actually has a podcast too, um, like O S Nation or something like that. Um, no way, I know. Matt Vega.

Building An A-Game Without Ego

SPEAKER_04 1:21:30

Yeah, I know. Yeah, yeah, such a cool guy.

Joe Motes (Host) 1:21:33

He and I connected and talked podcast stuff one day. Oh, no way, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:38

He's he's so cool. I I I love him. Great, great person. And he was just sitting there after his loss, and he's like, Yeah, but I'm just so happy to be here. He was like, I the community is great. And I'm like, see, this is what we need. This is like the positivity that we need. Like, I just loved that because I feel that way. Because when people are like, Oh, you lost, I'm like, no, well, kind of, but I I learned and I also had a really good time. I actually just made another friend, and that was a huge thing. My coach would always tell me, do not make friends until after you fight them. Like, stop making friends in the bullpen. But I'm like, we we just gotta be kind. Yeah, you know, and that maybe that's my other advice to the girls be kind in the gym, uh anywhere. Like there's there is success for everybody in in this sport, and but our success is all gonna come at different times. Like, we don't need to be catty, we don't need to, you know, not like someone because they beat us one time, or I don't know, we just need to be kind, and success will come to all of us.

Joe Motes (Host) 1:22:41

Yeah, yeah. I I think that's I think that's great. I love the takeaway about, you know, I I love the kindness part of it because yeah, we're in this this sport around uh it's a little violent. And a lot of martial arts, you don't think about kindness, right? You think about beating people up or or uh defending yourself from a attack. You kind of think about the it's not a negative uh impression, but it doesn't come off where the first thing when we talk about martial arts and what it does to us, like, oh, see the kindness in it. And I love that. I love that you shared that.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:14

And um Yeah, you know, uh we all work hard. Oh, gosh. We all deserve to be there, like yeah, we all put in the effort, yeah.

Joe Motes (Host) 1:23:24

And those are hard, hard time, you know. I mean, a lot of people look, it's an hour, hour and a half, but it's a hard hour, hour and a half in training. And um, no, like Sadie, I really appreciate uh you know you coming on and and sharing. I've really enjoyed getting to know you and and follow you on Instagram. Uh, I think what is um kind of most powerful about the conversation is that you know, I hope it reminds people that jujitsu is not just about becoming better at fighting. Right. Yeah. You know, sometimes sometimes it it's it's about becoming better at facing life. Okay. And I think that's absolutely here in your story and what you've shared here, what you've shared here today. You've you've shown that you can be a mom and a teacher and and a c a competitor and a student and someone that's still going through uh healing and growing at the same time, right? It speaks to all of us. We all have something we're going through, and I think a lot of people listening are going to see themselves in that. So thank you for you know, it takes that degree of vulnerability of coming on, and that's some of my favorite guests that come on the show uh share kind of that that personal side for anyone listening who is struggling, uh, maybe the takeaway is simple. You know, you don't need to have everything figured out in your first training class or your first year, two years, or like us, three years, right? We don't know. Uh, but sometimes showing up is just the thing that helps us start kind of figuring it out. So before we sign off, Sadie, is there anything else you want to share? Is there anything you want to kind of put out there for people to connect with you who may be kind of inspired and want to reach out? Um in regards to like a story or well, just if they want to connect with you, is it Instagram that is best to reach out to you?

SPEAKER_04 1:25:26

Um Yeah, Instagram's great. Slim Sadie.

Joe Motes (Host) 1:25:31

Yeah, it should be, yeah. Uh we're gonna have all of that in the notes. Um

Kindness Advice For Women And Where To Connect

Joe Motes (Host) 1:25:35

and you said you train at dedicated. I train at dedicated Temecula, right?

SPEAKER_04 1:25:39

Yep. In Temecula.

Joe Motes (Host) 1:25:42

And who who's the professor there? You you mentioned his name a couple times.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:46

Uh Professor uh Jason Medina. Yeah.

Joe Motes (Host) 1:25:51

Nice. I um I I don't go out to California as much as I used to. I used to work for um an RPO, a staffing company, and a lot of my clients were pharmaceutical clients. So I'd go out there um a lot, and I just don't anymore. Um, but if I ever do, uh hopefully I'll get to come out and try to get away.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:10

Yeah, you should wear a check mat affiliate, Jim. Um, and so yeah, you're anyone's welcome. Just uh send me a message and come train with me.

Joe Motes (Host) 1:26:21

Look, Atlanta opens. If you're ever up here in Georgia, if you're on this side of the US, I mean we have some some pretty good competitions in featherweight divisions.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:30

Well, I I'm I want to. I uh I think we might be going to I know for sure we're doing Vegas, both Ghee and no ghi this year. Oh, we're going to Vegas this month in uh two or three weeks. I I don't even know at this point. It's just I am like, oh shoot, I have a tournament this weekend. So I have American nationals, but I think I'm trying to get to tennis. Oh wow.

Joe Motes (Host) 1:26:53

Okay. Yeah, I didn't I didn't realize nationals were here already. So but no, good luck. And thank you so, so much for uh for being here.

SPEAKER_04 1:27:02

Thank you. I appreciate it. Thanks for having me on.