Episode #34 - Why We Keep Showing Up

Coffee in hand, gi on the chair, and a question that won’t let go: why do we keep showing up to jiu-jitsu long after the first aches fade? I’m back after travel, training in Manila and Vegas, and a much needed reset to unpack the hidden reasons BJJ becomes more than a hobby and why it quietly reshapes who we are.

We start with the gateway motives fitness, self-defense, a friend who wouldn’t stop asking and drill down to what keeps us obsessed: earned control in a chaotic world. When life’s loud, the mat simplifies everything to breath, frames, timing, and honest feedback. No judgment, just taps and tries. That clarity draws in high-stress pros, parents, and service members who need a place where effort lands and focus returns.

Then there’s connection without words. Rolling builds trust across language, politics, and background. The academy becomes a rare kind of community where names are remembered and absence is noticed. We talk about how those bonds feel tribal and how shared struggle builds respect that lasts longer than any stripe.

We also face the hard part: healing through hardship. BJJ doesn’t flatter or pity; it meets you where you are and asks you to breathe, adjust, and try again. For many, that rhythm helps process grief, depression, and anxiety. The mat becomes moving therapy steady, honest, and grounding. From there, identity and belonging take root. Not a purchased persona, but an earned one based on integrity, humility, and consistency. It’s a place to be seen for how you show up, not what you own.

By the end, the throughline is clear: we stay because jiu-jitsu helps us become the person, we want to be more patient, disciplined, confident, and alive. If that resonates, hit play, reflect on your own “why,” and share this with someone who might need a nudge onto the mat. 

Subscribe, leave a review, and tell us: what’s your hidden reason to train?

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Chapters

• 0:54 Back from a Hiatus
• 2:06 Travels, Training, and New Momentum
• 3:20 Why We Keep Showing Up
• 7:33 Earned Control on the Mat
• 11:17 Connection Without Words
• 15:01 Healing Through Hardship
• 21:00 Identity and Belonging
• 28:45 Becoming Who We Want to Be
• 31:35 Reflections, Gratitude, and Next Steps

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:54

And welcome back, everyone, to Caffeinated Jiu Jitsu. It has been quite some time uh since I have put out content. I am your host here at Caffeinated Jiu-Jitsu for those tuning in for the first time, Joe Moats. And yeah, yeah, there's been a little bit of a hiatus. Life has been intensely busy. I went from being uh jobless to doing the whole job search thing and ending up right back where I left. And uh then when I get there, uh just busy, busy traveling, I went to the Philippines and I have uh so at my work I have team members over there. I have about 30 team members and and I even got to train uh in Manila at a at a place. And you can check out uh some of the posts I did on the Caffeinated Jiu Jitsu Instagram page. It was a great time, um, great group of uh you know people as you always see when you when you travel. And then I also went to uh came back from there and and went to Las Vegas. It was the first time in Vegas, and I got to train at uh Vegas as well, uh one of the alliances down there. And again, you can check out some of the te posts I did on Instagram. It was an amazing time. Got to work some half guard. Everyone knows I love Half-Guard, and yeah, just uh now life has finally slowed back down enough for uh for me to start recording again. And I'm super excited, and I want to thank everyone who has uh well listened to the podcast in the in the past and those that continue to reach out on Instagram and engage, and also those who have sent me emails and you know, kind of checked in and asked, you know, when wen when the next group of episodes is is going to drop. And you're gonna start seeing a lot more consistency over the next several months. Again, I've got a lot of solo content uh planned, and we have some guests uh that I'm working on lining up. So, you know, back at it, back on the mat, so to speak. And you know, one of the things is I was trying to think of what would be a good episode to kind of come back and and get back in the swing of things. And as um I started looking at my journey here in jujitsu, um sitting at a little bit over the three-year mark now. And you know, one of the things that kind of popped in my head is, you know, what has kept me training jiu-jitsu this long, right? And when I was a a kid and I did some wrestling in in school, I quit that. When it was I I did baseball, I quit that. You know, there there are ups and downs to my workout uh consistency, but what what has kept me in jujitsu? And then there's there's some things that I've come up with in my head that that we'll talk through here, but then I I wondered, you know, why does anyone really continue to to show up? And that's what I want to talk about in this episode. And I I I hope it leaves the listener, the audience, with you know, the desire to kind of reflect and and wonder what keeps you in. So, you know, why we really show up and the hidden reasons, you know, what are the hidden reasons people train? And in a lot of these cases, we become obsessed with jujitsu. Why is that, right? And you know, we all give reasons when people uh ask us why we train, but how often do we really pause and ask ourselves, why do we really keep coming back? So so let's start with um well let me just give you my initial thoughts. So we all start somewhere. Most of us came to jujitsu looking for something, whether we we knew it or not at the time. I always tell my story. I 100% believe that jujitsu gave me um something of my own, my own purpose, um, and I experienced a lot of benefits from it. You know, you maybe you came to jujitsu, it was the it was fitness, you wanted to get in better shape, you wanted to lose weight, you wanted to get stronger, you wanted to move better. Um, maybe it was self-defense, maybe you saw something online, maybe you maybe you got a little scared walking to your car one night and thought, you know, I need to I need to learn how to protect myself. And maybe you grew up watching UFC and thought jujitsu would be just a cool, cool skill to have. Or maybe you maybe you had a friend who just kept bugging you to try it and finally you you caved in. I know there's I I think you know, probably my brother-in-law, that's why he he finally did it. It's because I just kept on and on and on. And I probably should have stopped, but I felt he would like it. But these these are what I call uh gateway reasons, right? They're real, they matter, but they're just really the the outer layer to get us started. Because once you start training, something strange happens, you know, or really one of two things happen. Either, you know, within the first day or two of training, you realize that it's not for you and you quit. But you know, I would say 80, 90 percent or more, you get obsessed with it. You start thinking about moves while you're lying in bed or driving down the road, and you know, you you're kind of on this this high, if you will. Uh so you know the question really becomes why? Why do we care so much? Why do we keep going when it gets hard? And jujitsu always gets hard, no matter how long you're in it, uh two years, three years, five years, ten years, whatever, right? It's always difficult. Um, but it's just like life, you know, and I think there's a lot of parallels there that, you know, life gets hard, and you know, we just keep going. And and the the I think the answer to really why is beneath these surface reasons and and they're kind of hidden reasons. And if I think about what are these reasons, I I think it gives us a sense, you know, starting out here, I think it gives us a sense of control in a very, very chaotic world. You know, let's let's talk a little bit about control, and and and life is you know, life is unpredictable. You you wake up, there's a crisis at work, a friendship or relationship falls through, your car breaks down, the news is almost always depressing. Your phone notifications are always buzzing with work or social media. There's there's always something pulling your attention, your energy, your centerness, your piece, right? But when but when you're on the mat, none of that seems to matter. And for 60 or 90 minutes, your entire universe shrinks down to just you, you know, you the technique that you're learning in your training partner. And in a world where we're all overwhelmed, jujitsu is one of the few things that really brings us into the the present moment. And it does so with this weird intensity. And you know, uh jujitsu gives you a sense of what what I'm calling, at least in my mind, this this earned control. And you know, you control your reactions, your breathing, your escapes, your effort. And if you don't, you don't pay for it with judgment and condemnation or made fun of, but you you pay with taps, right? You get submitted or you lose a round. It's clean, it's simple, it's fair, it's it's yeah, it's not judgmental at all. You don't feel bad, right? You know, there are times where I've been mad at myself for not executing a technique properly and getting caught in something that I shouldn't have gotten caught in. But, you know, no one's judging me. No one's telling me I'm the you know uh worst person at jujitsu. I I get to control my success and how good I am. And I think that kind of structure, that kind of clarity is is rare in in real life. And, you know, I think it's why people who are overwhelmed parents, entrepreneurs, um, entrepreneurs, I always mess that word up, those who are in high stress jobs as well. I think that's why they train jiu-jitsu. I think there's more reasons why you know police officers and military personnel train jujitsu other than you know the combatives portion of it. And the I believe it's a a sense of earn, you know, control and a sense of uh stress control for them. And I think again, it's something that that they they enjoy doing because it it helps them. And I I think that that's uh that's an important thing to to realize that all who are practicing jujitsu have varied backgrounds and a lot of different reasons, but all of us like to have a sense of control. You know, the next thing that comes to mind is is jujitsu, and I love this about jujitsu. I and I would have never thought that that you know, connection, deep connection was something that I would experience in jujitsu. It's really connection without words, you know. We're living in absolutely the most disconnected time in history. And I I feel I can say that because I am a, you know, I was born in 1979, right on the end of Generation X before the internet and cell phones took over the way our attention attention. There's more friends online. There, you know, there's like it's just crazy now. Now there's more friends online instead of out in your neighborhood, there's less real community, right? And there's no block parties anymore, and there's more texting instead of talking. And I'm I'm guilty of this now. You know, now I I find myself wanting to text instead of call somebody, but there's there's less real conversation, less real talking. And but jujitsu really, really connects people in in a deep way. And I also want to just kind of plug here. That's that's another thing, another reason why I enjoy podcasting. And this is my third podcast, and I have this podcast, uh, I have have done three or or built three, and two are active. So I have this one, Caffeinated Jiu-Jitsu. Uh, you know, it's this one that that's uh more of a passion uh podcast, and then I have um, you know, higher ground, which is focused more on what my profession and staffing and recruiting and things like that. But I enjoy it because it allows me to connect through real talk and conversation. I'm able to just sit here for you know 25 minutes to 40 minutes and just just talk. And you know, you have the option to listen or not listen, but it it's a way of connecting. Now, back to the the the the the content here, you know, you could roll with someone who doesn't speak your language, you could roll with someone who comes from a totally different background, different politics, different race, um, gosh, different religion. And it doesn't matter. I love that about the military too when I was in. They're like, none of that stuff seemed to matter. And it's this I I when I left the military, I thought that I had lost um access to that type of connection, but it was it was present the first night of training, first time I ever stepped on the mat, I I felt connection. And there's something really primal about it, tribal even. And you know, you everyone there on the mat is is vulnerable and you're all you know trying your best. And when it when it's done, when all the sweat's on the mat and you're exhausted, there's this mutual respect. It's not about who's winning, who's losing. It's about a respect that you came, you showed up, you trained hard, you know, um, you learned together, you grew together. You know, you can train with someone for years and never know really what they do for a living, but you know kind of what they're made of, you know their resilience level, you know if they have a good ego, uh, you know you can have a sense of generosity. And um, you know, they they for the most part know the same about you. You should be open to kind of share that, you know, as you build relationships. And you know, I I miss every day uh the relationships that I built at um, you know, my other academy since I left. Now building new ones, right, at my new academy, but you know, there there's that sense of misconnection. And you know, there's just real connection in in jujitsu. And a lot of people, whether they admit it or not, uh, are starving for that kind of community connection. And I used to not buy into, you know, we we are creatures who who have to feel some type of other connection. And but the older I get and the more I grow in jiu-jitsu, and I see the importance of, you know, connecting with your kids as they they grow faster and you know, realize that one day they're gonna be gone. And then as I build stronger relationships and bonds and jujitsu with new community um practitioners, yeah, you see, I see the importance more and more every every day. And staying kind of in line with connection. Uh, the other thing that comes to mind that uh is is kind of a hidden reason. And I guess I kind of understand why people don't talk about this a lot, but it's as I think we experience I think we stay because we experience some type of healing through the hardship. And you know, this is this is one that hits home for a lot of us. And like I said, we don't like talking about feelings and healing. And you know, I have talked to so many people who say things, and myself included, like jujitsu saved my life. I've said it in this episode. Um, jujitsu helped me through my depression, jujitsu helped me through my grief. You see, jujitsu uh forces us to deal with physical and emotional discomfort. You know, you get crushed, you fail, you tap, you feel weak, like you can't do anything. There are times where you're a little embarrassed, you know. I I get embarrassed every time some 19 or 20-year-old just decimates me, you know. I'm I'm this 45-year-old army guy who's you know been through things in life. I shouldn't let this person who just graduated high school, you know, smash me. But it's tough, but but slowly and and sometimes I think without even realizing it, we start rebuilding ourselves. We we learn patience, we learn humility, we learn to breathe through the pressure on and off the mat. It's it's like it's therapy and motion. I mean, there's there's so many, I well, I don't know if there's I'll say there's so many, but there's there's several, you know, breathing techniques that that find its roots in, you know, jujitsu and judo and other martial arts, right? And you know, that's I I used to not really buy into a lot of the mindfulness stuff. Uh, but again, the older I've gotten, the more I've realized that that stuff is is real and beneficial uh to me. So jujitsu has these these healing aspects to it because I mean jujitsu jujitsu doesn't lie to you, it doesn't care about our excuses, it doesn't pity us, um, but it also doesn't abandon you. It just says show up, be consistent, do the work, you'll be okay, you'll get way more out of this that benefits you than doesn't benefit you. And for a lot of people, that kind of honest physical grind is the only thing that that helps them process some of the harder stuff in life. And I know for me, it has been the case in many situations. Um, whether it's stress that I'm dealing with maybe at home or work or something like that. I don't think about any of that when I'm when I'm on the mat and when I'm when I'm training. Um it's a it's a piece during what I call the earlier intensity, right? Or we know we talked about control to intensity or something like that. Um it was a good point. And you know, we I I think it's very important for us, and I hope this this starts. Maybe maybe this episode will start it, I don't know. It'd be really cool. But I think in jujitsu, in the sport of jujitsu, especially, right? That you know, we need to start talking about you know the healing aspects of jujitsu, especially to those who um we know are dealing with things in life, and maybe it's addiction, maybe it's depression, maybe they've lost someone, you know. Um, talking more openly about the benefits when it comes to healing and mental health and things like that uh on jujitsu, uh around jujitsu. I was talking to someone um at one of the places I I was traveling. Where was it? I want to say it was I was somewhere here in Georgia. I wanted to think it was Valdasta. I went and trained at a a place there. And, you know, every time I train, I like to kind of spend a little more time after training talking to the the uh the members of the gym and just getting to know everybody a little bit. And yeah, there there was this one guy that was, you know, he dealt with suicidal thoughts and before starting to train jujitsu. And, you know, since he's trained the years that he's been training, he's never once had uh that type of of thought enter his mind. And he and I don't know all the psychology behind it, but you know, that that that says a lot. I mean, that literally jujitsu literally probably saved this person's life. So let's talk about it more. Let's let's you know open up about the healing aspect of jujitsu. And another hidden reason um I think that is uh very important to to think about is it gives us a sense of identity and belonging. We all belong somewhere, we do. But the world, the world can make you feel invisible. You can be in a crowded room and feel alone, but at your gym, you're part of something and you you feel that immediately. You you have teammates, people know your name, they notice when you're not there, they celebrate your progress, even if it's just surviving a tough role or finally hitting that sweep you've been uh drilling. And as someone who's moved gyms a few times, it's it's so nice to know and feel like you belong somewhere, even if you've just been there for a short period of time. I mean, uh I'm I'm training here closer to home in a gym now, and it's much bigger than any of the gyms that I've trained at in the past, as far as you know, attendance-wise, uh, some some nights we'll have 50 people on the mat. But since I've been going, and the more consistent I I am getting back into, or the the amount of consistency that I'm getting back into or working back into, I noticed that that people are starting to remember my name. It's pretty easy, it's Joe, but you know, and I'm starting to remember uh people's name, and there's you know, uh it's no longer re-in reintroducing yourself four or five times. It's I'm starting to feel that deeper sense of belonging that I may be missing from you know my my last gym. And and you know, the other thing jujitsu gives you is it does give you an identity. And it's it's not an identity that that you're that's bought, that's freely given. It's it's earned. And it it doesn't matter if you're rich, if you're broke, if you're old, young, black, white, brown, you're you're judged by your integrity, your humbleness, your heart, your effort, your growth, you're not your title or your your follower count. Your identity is is is it's just how much you care really about jujitsu and the journey and those involved in it. Now, I think sometimes we can get a little carried away with it. And I'm one of those people who can get completely carried away with it. I started this podcast when I was a two-striped white belt. And if you go back and listen to some of the earlier episodes, you you can tell um that I was just you know packed full of passion and let's go. And jujitsu is you know the greatest Kool-Aid ever that you can drink. And you can you know it comes through in the episodes, and it's not that I'm not like that anymore, but you can't let jujitsu become your only identity, right? Now, I enjoy wearing my jujitsu t-shirts and my um my alliance gear and and all of this, but but you do have to have some type of separation from it. But when you put on that gi or that rash guard and you slap hands, you know, in that moment your identity is in the jujitsu community, you fully belong, and for a lot of that, or for a lot of people, that's that's the first time that may they may or may not have felt that feeling in ever, or if they have, it's been a long time. And and that's powerful. That is that is really, really powerful. Even as I'm sitting here talking through kind of the content of this episode, you know, my mind is thinking back to, you know, uh the first few months in in jujitsu training at Ironwolf and the relationships that I I built there. And then of course the the strong bonds of those that I built at you know, alliance and and an excitement for the bonds that I'm gonna be building here, you know, at um at Ironborn at the new gym. And you know, it's it's it is it is a powerful feeling and to know that not just with my family and loved ones that I belong, but I have identity even outside of that. And that's important to people, right? I mean, if you think about it, right? Let's think about a single mom with one or two kids, and you know, she's the sole income um, well, we'll say parent, uh either way, however you want to look at it, um, and they're the sole income earner of uh, you know, for the family. And it's just get up, get the kids ready for school, go to work, pick them up, fix dinner. I mean, it's so routine. And you know, the the identity starts to slip away from that individual and just becomes you know an identity and and service to other people. I think that you know what makes jujitsu so appealing and why we stay is it gives us an extra set um yeah, an extra set of an identity and um and belonging and a sense of belonging. Lastly, if I were to uh ultimately say like what is the the the catch all reason that we do um keep showing up and that reason is uh the the number one reason is we show up for ourselves and at the end of the day, um it's it's what I think, or here's what I think we we just keep showing up because you know jujitsu helps us become the the person or people that we we actually want want to be and not not just more skilled but more patient. We want to be more disciplined, we want to be more humble. Um we haven't talked about the sense of confidence it gives us, but we want to be more confident, we want to be more centered, we want to feel more alive. I think that there's a reason why we're seeing a lot of of teenagers get into jujitsu these days and start jujitsu or or martial arts for that matter is is it's the confidence builder, you know, to uh you know, you hear a lot about bullying in the school. I don't know how how um prevalent it is now since we've had all these campaigns against it. I know it was it was pretty prevalent when I was in school, but you know, uh they get to walk with their head a little higher and and have that sense of confidence that if you know somebody gets stupid with them, um, they they can handle it, right? Um but you know, even even on the days that that we don't feel like like training, we show up. And if we don't show up, it's it it's almost always because uh a life commitment. Not I I don't think I've ever just been sitting here and been like, I don't feel like training today. I'm not saying that that I won't ever, but I I've just never experienced that. Because you see, there's something inside of me and inside of us that that knows that that training uh that it's worth it and that you know we're we're worth it. And so yeah, maybe we we started jujitsu um to lose weight, to learn self-defense, but but now we stay because it's a lifeline, it is a mirror or a mentor, a a type of uh of medicine, if you will. So uh yeah, it's good look, it's good to be back and be able to to talk to everyone again and get content out. Uh super excited for the the topics that come up. And I hope this episode has resonated with you. And if you've ever had one of those quiet private moments, you know, this this you're not alone, right? You're you're part of something bigger. And if you if you haven't taken time to think about why are you in jujitsu and why this this journey is so important to you, take some time and think about that. And you know, keep showing up, keep rolling, keep becoming the best version of yourself through your training, and and know if uh, well, if you know someone who needs to hear. an episode like this. Maybe someone going through a hard time, someone thinking about trying jujitsu. You know, share this episode with them. Um maybe maybe it would uh give them a sense of understanding of you know why we're why we're so crazy about uh crazy about this this perfect wonderful thing that is is jujitsu and you know that's that's it for this episode of Caffeinated Jiu Jitsu. Thanks for letting me s letting me speak from the heart today and like I said it's great to be back so until next time let's keep our passion brewing.

Outro: 31:47

And that's the final tap on today's episode of Caffeinated Jiu Jitsu. A big thanks to all of our listeners especially today's insightful guest for sharing their BJJ knowledge and tales. If you felt that adrenaline rush and are hungry for more hit subscribe drop a review and spread the jujitsu buzz. For show notes and to contact the host reach out to the email provided in the podcast description and to join our grappling community head over to Instagram. Get those ghee's crisp your coffee strong and always be prepared for the next role